Comings, Goings and Changes

New things are starting everywhere I look, friends are having babies, getting engaged and moving house. One (relatively new) friend left to go home to Italy today, which meant a joyously tearful and laughter filled goodbye lunch at work. Afterwards, as I walked up the hill to my other work, I started thinking about comings and goings and new beginnings (timely, as Easter is just around the corner).

Spring is well and truly arriving around here, and is sweeping winter into yesterday. We had days too warm and sunny to even carry a coat, which tricked me in to not taking a coat to work today - cue grey clouds and heavy downpour. The daffodils are blooming and the bulbs by our front door are growing fast.


This year feels like the beginning of so many things - we may buy our own home, I will be starting a new course, and my sister will be starting university. At the moment there is a lot of uncertainty, especially for her - not knowing where she will be spending the next few years. I remember that feeling. If you're anything like me (and she is), you like to think ahead, prepare yourself and plan - and right now, she's only able to do that in the broadest way. It's a time to both cling to what you have, savouring the moments, and also to take a deep breath to step out into the next stage. She'll do fine. It's in these times of unsteadiness, where everything in the world feels flimsy and out of reach, that we learn to depend on God the most.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens" Ecclesiastes 3 v.1

Report

So I did it. I printed my CV and letter and went to hand them in at the school. I spoke to the Deputy Head who took my CV to pass on to the headteacher, but said that probably the school is too small to give me enough experience to do the GTP there. So I'm not holding out too much hope.

The really wonderful thing is that my prayers were answered. Not the "please let this work out" ones. But the "if this isn't right, please help me to accept it" ones. Because I walked out, after what was pretty much "no" and didn't feel like a hopeless failure at getting a job. I was disappointed. But after T and I got home, he made me tea, I told him what happened, he hugged me, I decided not to get depressed and cry. If the teaching plan is right, then it will happen. (I have a few other routes to pursue.) If it's not, something else that is right will happen.

The important thing isn't that my plan broke. Having a job or a plan doesn't make you a grown-up. I have a job now. I had a job when I was sixteen - it didn't make me a grown up then and it still doesn't now. What was grown-up is that I tried even though it was scary and might not go to plan. And when it didn't go to plan, I decided to try again.

The best thing is that T knows exactly how to make me feel better. He encourages me and supports me. And he knows exactly what to say to take my mind off it...

Overactive Imagination?

Reading a story with one little boy this afternoon he came out with some fantastic claims...

"I used to do ballet when I was a girl."

Two minutes later...

"I used to do boxing when I was big."

I was given loads of kiddie-cuddles this afternoon, it was lovely. I've just been editing my CV and writing a covering letter. Tomorrow I'm going [to stop being chicken* and] go to the school I want to do the GTP with. Tonight I will be praying hard. I'm a little [a lot] scared because it feels like it's better to have a plan than risk putting the plan into action and then having it break. Does that make sense? Any sense at all?

*I'm so so not ready to be a grown-up.

Look Around

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around every once in a while, you could miss it.” - Feris Bueller

A couple of posts have caught my eye recently - this quote was in one by Sam at Life is Like A Box of Chocolates. There are often milestones we strive for, things we hope to achieve and places we want to get to. When I was at secondary school I couldn't wait to leave and go to university. But looking back I wonder if I fully appreciated the time I had there with those friends. In my third year of university I was looking forward (understandably) to getting married and living with T. Looking back, although tried to enjoy the time I had living with the girls, I probably didn't always appreciate it.

Recently I decided to do the graduate teacher programme. I wanted to start as soon as possible, to get on with it. It's pretty clear now that I won't be able to start in January, I'll have to wait until September 2010. When I stop and think this is probably better for me. I'll have to learn to be a bit more patient, sure. But I will have time to find the right school and the right mentor for me. I will also have time to do more work at Besom which I love.

At the 20-something stage of life, there are always milestones we long to reach - whether it is in our career (new job, new qualification, new promotion) or personal life (marriage, buying a home, having babies). Sometimes we forget that life isn't just the huge milestones, it's the little bits in between as well. I want to try to appreciate how life is now, and be happy with it. Being happy with how things are rather than focusing on how you want them to be is such a skill. Kayla Aimee wrote recently about this - that sometimes, you have to choose to be happy.

So I'm working on being patient. On appreciating having to wait. On thanking God for the life I have right now. I don't want to look back on this time, which actually is pretty perfect, and wish I'd appreciated it more. I'm going to trust that a career, a house of our own and children will come when we're ready, and when God is ready. And I'm going to appreciate the journey.

Blowing in the Wind

There are a lot of things going on at the moment, and there are a lot of feelings and thoughts going round my head and heart.

I'm exhausted - we had a great (energetic) time at playgroup this afternoon. We had a parachute out and the kids loved it. Have you ever seen a three year old cry with laughter? He was just bubbling over with joy. It was wonderful.

I'm praying - it seems like a lot of people are having hard times at the moment. Whether its exams, job troubles or personal struggles, I'm thinking of you and praying for you.

I'm scared and excited - I've decided to train as a teacher. I'd really like to do a course starting in January because I've been doing a lot of "floating" since graduation and I want to get going with something. That means I need to talk a school into taking me on, and do the whole application process before the 5th of June. I will be talking to a couple of headteachers tomorrow. Please pray!

I'm hopeful - that my driving licence will come this week. Then T can start taking me out driving. It's only been three years since I last drove. Did I say hopeful? I meant petrified.

I'm happy - T and I spent a great day out at the Science Museum for his birthday on Saturday and I spent most of Sunday afternoon on the phone to my family and Shiv. Lots of laughter, lots of catching up.

I'm looking forward - this bank holiday weekend we're going to visit my family for three whole days, partly to celebrate Mum's birthday. Then I also get to spend some time with Lulu - which means a good few hours of the West Wing, a great lunch and lots of catching up.

Psalm 139 just came to mind. It's one of my favourite chapters at the moment and this bit is especially wonderful...

O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
Psalm 139 v. 1-10.

An Update

The Easter weekend was lovely. Sunny and beautiful. This is a photo taken on a two and a half hour walk on the first day. It was a bit long...my ankles spent the rest of the weekend creaking. Which was strange. But it was a lovely time. We were also given a baby strawberry plant. It only has four leaves and is currently residing in an old fromage frais pot. I'm hoping to graduate it to something better and bigger this weekend.

We've been home two days now and I've only just got around to checking in on all the blogs I read. A lot has been happening in blog world, some good and some bad and it feels nice to get back to it. I like blogging and reading blogs.

Over the weekend I borrowed The Glassblower of Murano from my Mother-in-Law. We actually gave it to her for Christmas and it looked good when I was shopping so I was very pleased when she brought it out and suggested I borrow it. It's good, I'd recommend it. It's got one of those split plots - half in the past, half the present - that run alongside one another. It's an easy read and good storylines (enough historical and personal stuff to hold your attention in both halves of the book). The main character goes to Venice to follow in the footsteps of her ancestor, a legendary glassblower. The reaction from locals is varied - she is welcomed, ostracised and taken advantage of in equal measure, and eventually creates herself a life in Venice apart from her famous ancestor.

I have this week off (from both jobs) and so far I have used the time to catch up on some house jobs. As of next Monday I'll be working four sessions a week at the playgroup. I have to get to know a new set of children (the younger, afternoon group I'll be working with on Mondays and Wednesdays). Besom time will be reduced which will be very sad but it is only for one term. I'm hoping that by the end of this term I will have some plan for what to do next. That would be good. On the other hand I spent three years at university hoping that by the end I'd have some plan for what to do next and look how that turned out. Watch this space.

This weekend my family are coming to stay. That means six people crammed in our little house. Hopefully the weather will be good - I really want us to go and see the beautiful park nearby. In the last week trees outside our house have come into leaf and are looking lovely. It's so much nicer to look out on than bare branches.

Recycling and Being Grown Ups

You wouldn't believe the crazy amount of packaging that wedding gifts come wrapped in. Obviously some things are breakable but Denby - is it really necessary to pack each mug in its own cardboard box? One gift we opened was wrapped in a plastic cellophane bag, then bubble wrap, polystyrene, a cardboard box, and then beautiful wedding paper. You might be wondering why I'm talking about wedding gifts now. Well, as we were unwrapping ours all those months ago T and I decided that the rapidly growing mountain of cardboard in our living room should probably be recycled. Except that this was eight months ago and we still haven't quite made it to the tip (our council doesn't collect cardboard recycling). Over the last few months of marital bliss, we've been adding to our collection and it has now grown to epic proportions. So finally this weekend we set aside our precious Saturday morning to take it to the tip. It's probably about time...


The weather has been beautiful today so we rewarded ourselves by going to lay in the park all afternoon, and this evening we're going out for dinner. Having a weekend at home is such a rarity at the moment we're definitely making the most of it.


Incidentally, before this very responsible and grown up bout of recycling we'd spent Friday evening playing poker, which felt just like being a student again. Except that this time the poker finished at about 11.30pm rather than 3am. We really are growing up...